How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
