No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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