I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
