I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Let's paint friendship bongs
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
