I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
