I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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