Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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