I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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