OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
