You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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