A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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