Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
