you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
