It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
