You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
