So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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