pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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