3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
