wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
