For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
