Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
