they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
