I must be too annoying 4 u.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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