In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
