no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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