you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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