I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
