My cat gives me a boner
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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