part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
