I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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