did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
