meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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