For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
