I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
