I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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