Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
