A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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