You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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