jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
it's like heaven, but drunker
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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