If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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