Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
