I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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