I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
