well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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