Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
