It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
