Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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