someone threw a dead crab at me
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
