i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
