found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
