Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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