dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
