i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
