How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
