Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
