True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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