Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
