is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
